


Determined to Die

by Devcipher



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Dark Humor, Flowey tries to "help", Gen, Lots of death of the same character, Rated For Violence, References to Depression, Self-Harm, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Temporary Character Death, The curse of a determined soul, main character wants to die, morbid jokes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-03-03 06:27:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24346486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Devcipher/pseuds/Devcipher
Summary: This is the story of a human who came to Mount Ebott to end their life. They had heard whoever climbs the mountain never returned and had leaped down into the Underground in hopes to end it all. However, they find themselves trapped in this strange place where they just CAN. NOT. DIE. No matter what they try, they always wind up back where they started. Determination sucks when you don't want to keep persisting.
Kudos: 8





	Determined to Die

"That's quite a ways down. No wonder they could never find any of the people who climbed this mountain." Their voice echoed around the enclosed area, coming to a standstill in front of the large gaping hole that stretched out in front of them. "There's no way any of them could have survived a fall that far down unless the bottom is made of cushions." They mused to themselves, bandaged fingers shoving deep into their pockets. "Maybe some of them didn't want to survive." The soft whispers of the wind at the mouth of the cave were the only answers they received in response. It had been several nights that they had dreamed of this place, the high peak of the mountain. Over the past few years, they had carefully gone through the motions of pretending to be all right. After being shipped off to a hospital for a while after a sloppy attempt to take their life, they had to make sure they did this perfectly. They lived on their own now in a little one-room apartment, which eliminated the chance of anyone stopping them again. The thought of the nice lady down the hall having to smell and discover a corpse though really didn't settle right to them. They didn't want anyone to find them, they wanted to go out like a blip falling off a radar. This would be perfect, no one ever climbed this mountain unless they were stupid or suicidal. The sun was setting now, leaving the remaining view of the land darkened as they observed it for the last time. Slowly, their arms came to spread out beside them, as if they were feeling the wind rush over them and attempting to sweep them into flight. Their eyes slid closed as gravity did the rest of the work, sending them backward and tumbling down through the gaping opening below.  
  
Petals tickled over their fingers as their body began to reawaken. A groan pierced through the silence as the world came back into view above them. They were staring up the large opening they had fallen through, stretching up seemingly miles above them out of reach. “This wasn’t supposed to happen…” They croaked out as they sat up in the flowerbed. “How the hell do _flowers_ break my fall? I should be splattered on the ground!” They brought their fists up to their eyes in frustration, attempting to figure out what to do now. “Right, okay… Let’s just get up and look around. Seems much bigger on the inside.” They mumbled as they got to their feet and swatted away the stray petals. There were a few scrapes and bumps from hitting the rocks on the way down, but they seemed rather well for just leaping down with woeful abandon. Walking down the small pathway in the rocks, they marveled at the stone pillars that stretched up, forming a doorway. A strange symbol was carved above them, one that they couldn’t identify or understand in any way. After a few moments of admiring the structure, they passed through the doorway into another room. It seemed to be just as dark in here, but there was another small area of grass that was lit up by some light escaping from cracks in the rock above. In the middle of the grass, a lone golden flower grew from the ground. “Howdy!” It spoke suddenly, startling the approaching person as they stared at this now speaking flower. “I’m Flowey! Flowey the flower!” It greeted cheerfully, petals swaying as it did so. “Oh boy, maybe I did die. Or maybe I knocked myself unconscious and I’m having a really weird dream while I bleed out.” The human considered as the flower continued to bob to its own unheard beat. “Nope! You must be new to the Underground, huh? Golly, you must be so confused!” The flower replied to their self-musing, winking at them playfully. “Someone outta teach you how things work around here. Guess little ol’ me will have to do!” With those words, a strange pulling began at the center of the human’s chest. A bright red, cartoonish heart appeared before them and floated just out of reach from them. “See that? That’s your soul! The very culmination of your being!” Flowey explained with an enthusiastic gesture with a leaf. “Oh so I _do_ have one. That’s incredibly surprising.” The person replied, fascinated with the core of their person just out in the open. “Wait, so this is what’s keeping me alive, right?” They checked. “Well, yes! It’s the culmination of your being like I said! It starts off weak but can grow stronger if-“ The flower began again, only to be interrupted. “So if it were to like, say, be destroyed, I’d die?” They questioned, staring down the soul as it floated. “That much should be obvious.” If the flower had teeth, it appeared to be talking through them at this point. “ANYWAY… it can grow stronger as you gain LV. What’s LV stand for you ask? Why love!” He enthused. “Stronger? Screw that.” The human spoke as they gripped the soul themselves, pulling it into their own hands with interest. It didn’t _feel_ like they were holding the core of their existence. They felt nothing, as they always did. “What are you-?!” The flower exclaimed as they took either side of the soul and _pulled_. Where there was once a feeling of nothingness, there was now excruciating pain as the two halves began to separate. They persisted through the pain, however, until the sound of it ripping filled the air and the world went dark.

  
Petals tickled over their fingers as their body began to reawaken. A groan pierced through the silence as the world came back into view above them. They were staring up the large opening they had fallen through, stretching up seemingly miles above them out of reach. “What the hell..?” They muttered as they quickly sat up, looking around cautiously. “I’m back here in the flowers? Wait… was that all a dream?” They muttered in confusion as they stood up again and brushed away the petals. “Well, only one way to find out…” They decided as they headed down the same stone path, encountering the same stone columns and engraving. “Something freaky is going on here…” They muttered as they cautiously entered the room again. Once again, a golden flower was erupted from the ground and growing there, though it seemed to have a face of confusion and aggression on it. “Is this some kind of sick joke? You know what’s going on here, don’t you?! You’re just taunting me!” He hissed out with sudden rage, stem hunched as it bared unreasonably sharp teeth at them. “Sick joke? The only sick joke here is that I’m still here!” The human argued back to the flower. They decided not to question the logic of arguing with vegetation. “You said I’d die if I destroyed it!” That seemed to throw the flower off as it straightened up again and watched the human suspiciously. “You’re the one who brought yourself back, idiot! You don’t really want to die, or you wouldn’t be back.” Flowey spoke matter-of-factly, sneering back at them as he did. “I literally came here to kill myself. I threw myself down this mountain, that didn’t work. I destroyed my ‘soul’ or whatever, and yet here I am! I just woke back up right where I started!” They frowned as the plopped down on the ground and propped their elbow on their knee to rest their chin. “This is bullshit. I should have just made some toast in my bathtub, that would have been faster.” They grumbled in displeasure, watching the flower as it gave them a look of confused disgust. “So, you really came down here hoping to die, huh?” The flower seemed to split its mouth open into a devious grin, the same pulling sensation returning as their soul once again flew from their chest. “Well then, you’re in luck! In this world, it’s _kill or be killed_! Who would pass up an opportunity like this?” They laughed viciously as little white pellets seemed to appear around him. “I’ll take ‘be killed’, please. I only request it not be burning to death or drowning.” The human replied, throwing the flower off as the little pellets struck the soul. The human flinched in pain, gripping onto the front of their shirt as if they had been physically struck. “DIE!” The flower demanded as the world went black once again.

  


Petals tickled over their fingers as their body began to reawaken. “This is hell, isn’t it?” The human muttered, staring up at the same sight of the opening above the ground. “I died, and this is my hell. In a place where I can’t actually die.” They pulled themselves to their feet again, feeling a heavy new wave of despair as they dragged their feet down the **same** stone path, to the **same** pillared opening, into the **same** room with the **same** angry, murderous flower. “I don’t get it! Are you some kind of sick freak? A sadist? Why do you keep coming back?!” Flowey demanded with outrage, pellets already flying the moment they stepped in the room. A few grazed their body, but the human still continued forward. “Listen here, buttercup. I want to be here just as much, trust me! You’re obviously doing a really shitty job of killing me if I don’t stay dead!” They accused, taking their frustration out of the flora. “ME?! _You’re_ the freak who won’t stay dead!” The flower accused them as they continued their assault. “Well, try something else!” The human encouraged. “Do WHAT?! You really _are_ a freak! Get away from me!” The flower retracted as they stepped forward. “Just do it! Come on, kill me!” They shouted as the flower burrowed away under the soil and disappeared. “Dammit…” They sighed as they stared at the floor where it had once been. What kind of weird hell was this anyway? “Hello?” A gentle voice called out, causing them to snap out of their self-loathing. What looked to be a large, goat-like woman approached them from the other end of the room. Her face held one of worry as she knelt down to the wounded human’s form, kindness visible in her eyes. “Are you hurt? There there, let me heal you my child.” She soothed as energy flowed through the human’s body. “You must be so frightened and confused. Do not be afraid, I am Toriel, I am the caretaker of these ruins. I pass through this area every day to see if anybody has fallen down. You are the first human to come here in a very long time.” The woman, Toriel, explained. “Uh, I’m not really a child. I pay my own taxes and everything… Also where exactly is ‘here’? I get that it’s underground somewhere but, how are you… people… living here?” They questioned as the kindly woman helped them up. “Come this way, and I shall explain everything to you.” She insisted as she headed back toward the other side of the room. The human followed, perplexed as they headed through another similar door into a new room. This one was significantly brighter, hues of purple colouring the floors and crumbling bricks of the walls. It was rather pretty and gave off a feeling of being rather ancient. Ahead of them was a set of stairs leading into another arched doorway. The shadowy ruins loomed above as they stood at the foot of the stairs, filling them with an indescribable feeling. It gave them a sick feeling of calm thinking of these catacombs as their eventual final resting place. 

Within the next room, a series of buttons were settled on the floor. “Welcome to your new home, innocent one!” Toriel smiled as she gestured around her. This felt more like a prison, or a strange pyramid-like tomb where one could get lost forever and die. Except for them of course, ironically. “The ruins are full of puzzles,” She explained as she stepped upon the outer buttons before pulling a switch on the wall. The door ahead of them opened in response. “Ancient fusions between diversions and doorways. One must solve them in order to move from room to room.” She gestured to the now open door. “Question,” The human spoke up as they pointed to the floor puzzle. “Why? This seems elaborately unnecessary and kind of tedious? Don’t you get bored having to do this every single time you want to go somewhere?” They questioned with a small frown. “I suppose you simply adjust to them after a while. You could call it a monster thing, I suppose.” The goat woman replied patiently, giving them a kind smile before moving forward. “It’s a dumb thing is what it is.” The human muttered as they followed after her. 

“To make progress here, you will have to trigger different switches. Do not worry, however! I have labeled the ones you need to switch!” She reassured, reminding them briefly of their kindly kindergarten teacher when they were younger. They crossed over a bridge toward the designated switched, staring at the yellow text that had been scribbled into the wall. It was slightly endearing, and they couldn’t help but feel a slight fondness to this woman. They were glad they were able to meet them before they died, it was just too bad she had to meet them in return. She stood waiting expectantly for them, so they reached out and pulled the lever down. Satisfied, she crossed over to the next area, where two switches were. They noticed at the entrance to the next room, there were spikes lining the floor. “Absolutely unnecessary.” They muttered as they reached out for the labeled switch before pausing mid-air. “What will happen if I pull the other switch?” They questioned, hoping for some sort of terrible consequence in response. “Oh! Nothing anymore, I have deactivated the trap.” She replied, looking a bit confused at the visible disappointment she got in return. “Killjoy.” They sighed as they pulled the correct lever instead. “Splendid! I am proud of you, little one!” She cooed lovingly before heading out of the now spike-free door. “Wow, that’s super rude. I’m still a grown-ass adult.” 

They held whatever retort they had on their tongue as they spotted a lone dummy standing beside her. “As a human living Underground, monsters may attack you. You will need to be prepared for this situation.” She explained with a much more subdued expression. They were entirely ready for this situation. Maybe one of these other monsters would have better luck at killing them permanently. They felt that indescribable rush of emotion again at the thought. “When you encounter a monster, you will enter a fight. Simply strike up a friendly conversation! Stall for time, I will come to resolve the conflict.” She insisted with another small smile. “I’m not a child, I can handle a fight. I don’t need someone coming to rescue me.” They frowned back at the rather patronizing request. “Ah, but we wouldn’t want anyone to get hurt, would we?” Toriel frowned back at the statement before gesturing to the dummy. “Here, try it out with this dummy! You’ll see it’s much easier to have a chat then fight! Practice chatting with the dummy.” “ _Practice chatting with the dummy_. Unbelievable.” They repeated in disbelief, but the woman looked so hopeful. With a heavy roll of their eyes, they approached the dummy. Their soul reappeared again, in what they assumed now meant they were in a ‘fight’. They stared at this dummy, feeling awkward as they thought of what they could possibly say to it. “Uh… hello there, Dummy. How are you doing? Better than I am I hope, because I literally want to die right now, and instead, I’m talking to a literal dummy.” The dummy, of course, did not say anything in response. Toriel gave them a concerned look but didn’t say anything about the conversation. “Yes, uh, wonderful! You are very good.” She attempted with a strained smile before quickly heading out of the room. They simply followed after her, not caring too much for her discomfort.

“There is another puzzle in this room. I wonder if you can solve it?” She hummed as she continued on her way. They noticed the way the floor had a lighter tint in a certain pattern, giving them an idea that they probably needed that for whatever puzzle it was. Before they could do anything however, they suddenly encountered another monster. A strange frog stood before them, looking blankly through them. “Uh… you gonna kill me or what?” They questioned the thing. It didn’t seem to understand but appeared to be frightened regardless. Toriel appeared behind the creature, giving it a look that could kill three times over and causing it to flee. They decided not to test this woman’s patience as they followed after her a bit more quickly. They soon came upon a layer of spikes overlooking the water. Toriel was staring pensively out at them, a frown playing over her face. The human stared down at the spikes, grimacing a bit as they played with a thought in their head. “This is the puzzle but…” She started, looking back to speak with the human, only to find them missing. “My child?” She questioned, turning back around and seeing them stepping on one of the spikes. “Ah, be careful! Some of those do not give way! You could hurt yourself!” She called in worry. “That’s the idea!” They called back as they spread their arms. “This is gonna suck but, belly flop!” They shouted as they leaped forward toward the spikes and-

“When you encounter a monster, you will enter a fight. Simply strike up a friendly conversation! Stall for time, I will come to resolve the conflict.” Toriel explained with a kind smile back on her face. The human took a moment to regather themselves, the darkness they had seen giving way to the room with the dummy again. Well, that hadn’t worked. “Right…” They spoke slowly as they looked back at the dummy again. “Practice talking with this dummy.” She insisted as they walked to the dummy once more. They sighed as they dragged a hand down over their face in frustration. “Hello dummy. Not one for conversation, are you?” They drawled out, blankly staring at the silent dummy. “Ah, good! You are very good!” Toriel praised once more before heading into the next room. “My life is a fucking nightmare, mister Dummy.” They added on once she left before heading after her again. They followed after her again, dragging their feet at this point and groaning. Just as they predicted, the frog creature hopped back up to them once again. “Do me a solid here, Frog. End me, please.” They begged the creature. It didn’t seem to understand but seemed unnerved anyway. Another dose of the Toriel stare sent it running off once again and they continued to the spike puzzle. It wasn’t a very fun way to go anyway, they tried to convince themselves. “This is the puzzle, but…” Toriel frowned as she turned to the human and held her hand out. “Here, take my hand for a moment.” She insisted before grabbing their hand immediately. They hung their head as they were walked across the spikes like a mother leading her child through a crowd in the city. “Puzzles seem a little too dangerous for now.” She insisted as they stepped off the spikes, heading into the next room after releasing their hand. “So impaled by spikes is a no go.” They listed to themselves as they walked forward. 

  
“I’ll be honest, I don’t see how walking to the end of a room alone is a puzzle.” The human called as they walked down the hallway. Toriel had requested them to walk to the end of the room by themselves before running off ahead. “Are all monsters like this? Monsters are weird.” They muttered as they came across a lone pillar. They could clearly see the woman standing behind it from the side when they were approaching it, but she didn’t say anything or come out. Rolling their eyes, they walked past it, only for her to pop out from behind it and approach them. “Greetings my child! Do not worry, I did not leave you. I was merely behind this pillar the whole time.” She explained with a cheerful smile. “Yes, I could see that.” They assured her with exasperation. “Thank you for trusting me, however, there was an important reason for this exercise. To test your independence.” She explained to them. “There’s no need for that. I’m an adult, I own my own place and pay the bills and everything.” They attempted to explain once more, but she simply continued. “I must attend to some business, and you’ll have to stay here alone for a while. It’s too dangerous to explore by yourself.” The human simply stared back in silence, knowing there was absolutely zero chance they would remain in this room. “I have an idea, I will give you a cell phone.” She held her hand out, offering an old ancient looking phone that could have come straight from the ’90s. “Oh boy, you shouldn’t have…” They spoke as they took the phone with a judgmental stare down at its blocky appearance. “If you have a need for anything, just call me, all right? Be good.” She waved before heading out of the room. 

“What the hell is happening here?” They questioned aloud the moment they were alone. “I had to fall into the one place that seems incapable of killing me! This just _has_ to be hell.” They lamented as they walked back down the long hallway with a groan. A flash of yellow retreating into the ground caught their attention as they jogged forward. “I saw that! You might as well come out now you little weed!” They demanded as they stomped on the ground. “Just checking in to see if you’re still alive. Last I saw you, you were doing an imitation of a pincushion.” The flower taunted as it reappeared, sticking out its tongue tauntingly. “Yeah well, shut up.” They replied maturely, sitting cross-legged on the ground with a sigh. “I’m trying to think of all the different ways I can try to die. Maybe if I separate my head from my body I won’t be able to come back.” They mused aloud. “Yeesh, you suicidal types are always so gruesome. In fact, you’ve got such a pathetic little grey rain cloud over your head, that’s exactly what I’m going to call you!” The flower chimed in as it waved it’s body like it was caught in a breeze. “So, Gray, what are you gonna do now? Sit here and wait to starve to death?” He suggested with too much enthusiasm. “Nah, that’ll take too long.” They sighed before looking down at the ancient phone. “Well, one thing’s for sure, I’m not staying in this room.” They decided as they stood up. “You sure? I could try ramming a vine through your chest.” Flowey offered as a few vines snaked along the ground. “I’ll take a rain check.” They called back as they headed back down the hall toward the exit. “Whatever you say. This will be so much more fun than just taking your soul right away.” The flower snickered before burrowing back into the ground once again.

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a thing that was in my head for a while, but I was never sure if I wanted to post it. Obviously suicide is a serious subject, as I was once suicidal myself. Do not read if that bothers you. I don't know if I'll continue this, but if I do, it will have a sort of bittersweet ending. The other chapters also won't drone on so much with story, though it will follow the normal story for the most part. Also the main character is kept gender neutral intentionally for the purpose of imagining who you'd like.
> 
> -Dev Cipher


End file.
